Feelings

I have been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve. That I get too close to people too fast, trust too easy, and get my feelings badly hurt when something goes wrong. I will admit that this is true. As hard as I try not to, I do all of the things mentioned above. I have also been told that because my feelings get so hurt, I hold a grudge for way too long. Okay, so that part is true. I try not to do this, but when something hurts....well, it hurts and it is hard to let go. I value the simple things in life: Family, Love, Loyalty, Trust...to name a few. When one of these basic values is violated it is hard to go back. No matter how badly I want to. Once trust is gone, what do you have left?

That is the big question for me at the moment. Once a trust has been violated, can you go back? Of course, it depends on the violation. Cheating, stealing, etc.....there is no question there. But, on the small things...a confidence betrayed, a lie told as a truth. Can a friendship be the same after one of these small infractions? It seems like with most women, things turn into a competition. Whether it is who is friends with who, who bought the latest "hot item", who is going to what party. I just don't understand this. Although I would be lying if I said I wasn't guilty. We all are. The problem is the degree it is taken to. Everyone these days talks about being up front and honest, about not spreading untruths, and about staying out of the drama. But, does anyone really do this? The answer is no.

I have a good friend that I don't get to see very often. However, I talk to her multiple times a day. I love talking to her because we can talk about anything, and there is no competition there. I wish our schedules made it easier for us to hang out more! Although we don't always talk about the deep personal things, I know I could trust her with my darkest secret. I wish I could say that about more people. Life would be so much better with less drama and more trust!

We need to get back to the basics! I know that sounds really cheesy! But it is so true. So, I have made a deal with myself. I am going to do my best to stay out of all the drama. I am going to love the friends that I have and treat them with the respect they deserve. I am going to do my best to change the subject or walk out of a conversation when it turns to talk of another person (whether it is a friend or foe). But, most of all.....I am going to try to forgive those that have hurt me and repair the damaged relationships. Some of these may take some time, and some conversations my need to be had. But, I am really going to try.

The most important things in life are: Love, Family, Trust, Loyalty, and Friendship. They are all connected...you can't have one without the other. You can't have family without love. You can't have friendship without trust. And on and on.